A warning from the girl who followed her heart

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sunrise at Kiltepan

If ever one day you’ll find me wandering in the streets

Head high, chin up and smile as bright as the sun.

Don’t come closer.. for this is not me.

Don’t come closer.. I warn you.

Put your sunglasses back instead

for this smile might hurt your sight.

 

 

Just like how this effortful pretense is piercing through my heart

Every smile, every laugh, and every breath that I take

– exhausts my soul.

Just like how I wear my makeup every single day

Dabbing, patting and blending

so that before the world sees me, my brows are already on fleek.

 

 

Yes! My brows are on fleek but

my knees are weak and trembling as I speak.

Does it make me look pretty? Don’t be deceived!

My brows are on fleek but

don’t come closer.. for this is not me.

don’t come closer.. I warn you.

 

If ever one day my number appears on your screen

Calling late at night; desperate for attention.

Don’t pick up the phone.. for this is not me

Don’t pick up the phone.. I warn you

Go back to sleep instead

for I don’t get contented with attention alone.

 

 

Just like how I told myself

that I only needed one shot of painkiller at night

Just one shot until I barely noticed that I took one more.. then another.

And I already lost count how many I had because

all I felt was this raging pain inside.

But it started with that muscle strain.

 

 

Yes! The muscle strain I caught from running to places

I can’t even remember where- not even the GPS coordinates could locate.

Running away from people, from judgments, from love, from grudges

It started with a muscle strain but it slowly crawled to my heart then to my subconsciousness

So don’t come closer.. for this is not me.

Don’t come closer.. I warn you.

 

 

And if ever one day you’ll miraculously find me attractive

Beyond the fake smiles and shimmery cover ups I disguise

Don’t come closer.. for that’s only temporary.

Don’t come closer.. I warn you.

Turn your back and I’ll understand this way better because

You can’t love a broken girl who relies on band aids every single day.

 

 

Don’t come closer.. I beg you.

Don’t come closer.. I don’t want you to pick up the broken pieces

because I can’t mend your wounded fingers

Don’t come closer.. I don’t want to let go of this woe I’m addicted to

Don’t come closer.. please

This is a warning from the girl who once was told not to come closer

– but she did

Because she followed her heart.

 

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